Thursday, December 31, 2009

My Amazing Wife, part 2

I am sure that, after reading my previous entry, many of you are thinking the following: "Wowzers! Your wife is fantastic! I wish I had one just like her!" Well, my dear friends, I sadly must inform you that she is one-of-a-kind, not to be found elsewhere. Notice how I refrained from saying "one-in-a-million". The reason for this being that according to the US Census Bureau's World Population Clock, at the time of this writing there are just shy of 6.8 billion people on the planet. If I said my wife was one-in-a-million, that would mean there are 6,792 other people on the planet just like her. As this is not the case, I will stick to my original statement, but shall add a modifier: my wife is one-of-a-kind, or in other words, one-in-six-billion-seven-hundred-ninty-three-million-five-hundred-thirty-seven-thousand-two-hundred-ninety-eight.

Pictured: her
Arrested Development Button
As was mentioned earlier, my love for Arrested Development knows know bounds. Never has a show been so cleverly witty, hilariously slapstick, and amazingly amazing. It certainly changed the way I watch/judge TV shows, and to this day I still get jokes for the first time whenever I rewatch it. (I mean, the bar where Jewish lawyers go to on Friday nights is called Miss Temple's. Come on!) In one particular episode, Buster wears a pin with the following saying: "The only scary thing about a one-armed man trying to scare someone is the fact that he feels that his one arm is good for nothing but trying to scare someone." When I watched the episode with my wife, I noted that if I had my choice, the button would be probably the one piece of Arrested Development memorabilia I would ever want. In the words of GOB: "Ta-da!"

"And that's why you don't use a one-armed person to scare someone."
All Your Base Shirt
If you played video games in the late 80s, you might have come across a game called Zero Wing. In the opening cinematic, a very, very poorly-translated conversation ensues between the heroes and the villain. When the villain tries to explain that they have taken over all the military bases, he does so with the following phrase: "All your base are belong to us." Since that time, the "all your base" joke has become somewhat of a joke/meme in nerd circles and has gained worldwide notoriety. How much notoriety, you ask? Well, if you go to Google and type in "all y", the phrase shows up second in search popularity, just below "all you need is love". That being said, though I am sure my wife had no idea what the phrase meant when I first uttered it, she was only a few clicks away from finding a most excellent shirt.

Somebody set up us the bomb.
Jolly Roger Flag
While I am not into pirates as much as some people are (read: the whole pirates vs. ninjas debate), I have always enjoyed romanticizing a time that, in all actuality, was anything less than glamorous. When my wife visited an awesome store in Gardner Village called Anastasia's Attic, she brought back with her a super awesome jolly roger. And while the rest of the items on this list were presents that had an occasion (Christmas, birthday, etc.), this one was "just because". Although, in actuality, I think it was because she bought herself tons of stuff that night and wanted to lessen the blow by distracting me. Either way, it is a rad flag.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate flag for me
Steampunk Bag
  Reader: Steampunk? What's that?
  Me: It is a genre of fiction taking place in kind of an alternate history, where Victorian-era lifestyles also included futuristic technology.
  Reader: Sounds deliciously nerdy.
  Me: It is.
  Reader: I'm glad that I, being the non-nerdy type, have steered clear of such a strange movement.
  Me: Ah, I am not sure you have. Have you ever watched Wild Wild West, The Adventures of Brisco County Jr., or The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen?
  Reader: No. Those are all geeky things.
  Me: Fair enough. Have you ever read anything by Jules Verne or H.G. Wells?
  Reader: Sure. I love Around the World in Eighty Days.
  Me: Well then, my friend, you love steampunk.
  Reader: Oh... drat...
This most recent gift-from-my-wife is also hands-down the best. Not to be outdone by her previous gifts, she had this bag specially made by an artist in Seattle. That means that the bag, like its giver, is one-of-a-kind.

Professor Pfefferneussen's Contraptions and Haberdashery
So when it comes down to it, I think my wife is amazing. Would I love her just as much if she never got me an awesome present again? Absolutely. Do I think that she will constantly embrace my inner-nerd and get me awesome stuff? Definitely. Are all of you super-jealous? Extremely.


Andrea said...

Your wife is amazing.

AND, speaking of Steampunk, I have a book that you MUST (and by must, I mean M-U-S-T) read. If you do not, it will be like sticking razor blades in my oh-so-tender-heart. It's called (get a pen and paper) The Haunting of Alaizabel Cray. You should look it up immediately. If you must, I may even have a copy you could borrow.